the solution to world hunger

you know how old people say, "don't eat those cookies, you'll spoil your dinner."

well, i ran out of money on my mealplan and i don't have any food in my apartment except for some cookie dough.

so to stave off my hunger, i've been baking and eating batches of cookies just before i get hungry so i don't have to pay money to eat real food.

for lunch i had fifteen or so chocolate chip cookies and for dinner i had about twenty oatmeal raisin cookies.

admittedly, it's pretty pathetic but i feel like i might have something here.

Need motivation?

looking outwards

i have been given the opportunity to lead small group this week. i've been planning to take us to atlanta union mission, the carpenter's house.

now i admit, i haven't been praying for the opportunity. but i have been yearning to share the blessings of that place with my peers and that is evident in some of my previous blog posts. i hadn't realized this yearning until this saturday when i was given this opportunity. NOW i will be praying that the Lord will reveal himself to us through this.

i have been truly dissatisfied with small group of late. granted, we have a lot of newcomers and that is wonderful. it is great to see new faces coming to become intimate with God. however, i have been asking, "am i seeing these new faces because they feel comfortable and at home among their fellow believers? or is it because they truly wish to seek His face?" small group has become routine. it has become about emotions. and worst of all, it has become a constant. i realized this week, although sometimes i dreaded attending small group and tried to wiggle out of it, was it because i was truly "busy"? are we truly that busy? could i not spare 3 hours to share with my brothers and sisters my struggles over the course of the week? or are we no longer seeing that spark of God in that place? has the air become dead? why was i seeking an excuse not to go? it hit me at the end of small group last week when jae said, "it's time to take the next step and shake things up and contribute to our community." we have been looking inwards to ourselves for so long. we have been focusing on our selfish problems and desires and thinking it was holy. we have lost sight of what God wants. no. we should focus outwards on God's people who are less fortunate than we are. we will only make ourselves more miserable, more unhappy by focusing on our problems, on our wants and needs. if we look outward, we will see how tiny and insignificant our selfish emotions are. and we will truly see for the first time. and our problems, our desires won't just seem smaller to us, but we will begin to focus on God's desires.

are we truly ready to take the next step? are we truly ready to shake things up? are we truly ready to become vulnerable for God? many of us are. many of us are not. it saddens me because i realized this after speaking with vivian about spiritual gifts tonight. she saw someone speaking in tongues for the first time ever and it truly terrified her. it caused her to see doubts in her walk. and as she was telling me this, i realized, is she that different from most of the small group people? no! she is not unique in her fear of the unknown. we are all afraid of becoming vulnerable. we are all afraid of exposing ourselves. but we will be stronger for it. but there will be bumps along the road. these devotionals we will be having over the next few weeks will truly separate the spiritually strong from the spiritually weak.

this afternoon, i took soo along with me to Atlanta Union Mission. we visited my friend mike allen and asked him for some advice about bringing my friends there.

we had dinner together with him and his friend michael and it was such a wonderful blessed time. he shared his testimony and it was beautiful to hear how much he cared about me after meeting me. he remembered me and was afraid i had forgotten him. just to see how happy he was to see me and see that i had remembered him was a blessing in it of itself.

i was ashamed because spiritually, they are wealthier than we are. they are so in tune with God. yes, they have made their share of mistakes. but in a sense, don't we all have an addiction to something or other in our lives? can we truly say that we are better than they are? they learned from their experiences and exited their lifestyles before it became too late. before they died. but are we any better? have we learned from our life mistakes? visiting that place puts my life on display in perspective for me.

Isaiah 61
The Year of the LORD's Favor

¹ The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

² to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

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spiritual selfishness

for bethany small group we usually begin or end by going around in a circle and sharing how our weeks have been and any specific prayer requests. this week, outwardly, it seemed the same as usual. but something seemed wrong beneath the surface. i couldn't quite put my finger on it. it was only after joe mentioned how manan (josh's best friend) had the most Godly prayer request that i realized what was wrong. before i share what manan's prayer request was, let me give some background information about manan. he and josh have been best friends since high school and they are currently roommates. manan is not christian. actually, he is agnostic. and he usually doesn't come to small group unless josh manages to convince him to come along - which i rare, at best. now, manan's prayer request was one of thanksgiving for kind-hearted people - good samaritans, so to speak. and only after joe mentioned how manan's prayer request didn't follow the trend did i realize what was wrong. all our prayer requests and everything we shared were focused on ourselves. i want to be less lonely, i want to see my family, i want to know God is working in my life. nothing we, as bethanites, said was spread outwards. we were all worried about ourselves. manan was not. i mean, there is nothing wrong with asking from God for ourselves. but we should direct our energy outwards. towards Christ and towards other people. i was embarassed that manan, the agnostic, had the most selfless prayer request while the rest of us had more selfish prayer requests. this was later reinforced when jae came by and began to speak about how it is time for bethany's college group to come out of our comfort zone and reach out to the community. it's time for a change. which is what i just talked about a few weeks ago.

what really struck me today was the bible passage for bible study today. ephesians 4:17-32. the gist of this passage is about how we need to give up our old selves, our old way of life, our old attitudes and trade them for a new one that is focused on Christ and others. it was just a huge reinforcement for what we talked about last night in small group. it was really amazing that that part of ephesians just happened to be our next passage in ephesians. God really showed his power there.



¹⁷So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. ¹⁸They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. ¹⁹Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

²⁰You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. ²¹Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. ²²You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; ²³to be made new in the attitude of your minds; ²⁴and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

²⁵Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. ²⁶"In your anger do not sin"^[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷and do not give the devil a foothold. ²⁸He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.

²⁹Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ³⁰And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. ³¹Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. ³²Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

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the life of the bachelor rocks!

call me old fashioned, but lately i've been thinking most people who are in relationships shouldn't be in those relationships. why? because we as human beings need more time to define ourselves before we begin to search for a relationship. experiences make up a person. i'm twenty years old and i'm still discovering who i am and experiencing change. i'm not saying that people shouldn't be defined by their relationships, even though they shouldn't. but many people do let their relationships define a large chunk of who they are. i think we need time to mature and experience life before we are ready to share ourselves with someone else. my parents used to say, "graduate college, start your career, make some money and only then should you dating girls." at the time, i was outraged and thought they were being ridiculous. but now, as i've grown and experienced a lot of life - and one bad relationship that taught me more about relationships then any ten possible relationships - i've grown to realize, i'm still growing and changing and being redefined by new experiences.

yes, granted, dating can be part of those experiences, but it's a minimal part. when you meet your soulmate, don't you want to be able to say, "i've waited for you and stayed pure and untainted for you."

in the last six months, i've experienced a major, personal and spiritual shift back towards God. i know it can happen at any time, but i don't think it would have happened if i were a little older. i might be more set in my ways or committed to a lifestyle. so true inner change happened to me while i was young. and i am willing to bet that young people in relationships are being hindered (not completely blocked, but hindered) in their search for themselves and God by their relationships.

i see pretty girls every day, and yes, i am attracted to them. yes, i think about what my life would be like if they were with me. it's impossible not to think about that. it's part of human nature. but yesterday, i sat down and wrote out some rules and guidelines that i think will help me stay single and focused on what's truly important, God.

i look around at all my friends who are dating (or trying) and i feel a little contemptuous. :( i know i'm not mature enough to handle a real relationship and i wonder, "are my friends ready to be dating?" and unfortunately, more often than not, the answer is no.

i think a real valuable relationship comes along only once in a blue moon. and when i look at a girl, i want to hear a voice, deep down within my soul, telling me YES! YES! YES! GO FOR IT! sometimes i think i hear that voice, but i know it's just what i want and not what God wants for me.

i'm taking myself off the market, so to speak. i'm not going to date girls until i feel God tells me i am ready. i hope it's soon though. i'm so lonely.