the life of the bachelor rocks!

call me old fashioned, but lately i've been thinking most people who are in relationships shouldn't be in those relationships. why? because we as human beings need more time to define ourselves before we begin to search for a relationship. experiences make up a person. i'm twenty years old and i'm still discovering who i am and experiencing change. i'm not saying that people shouldn't be defined by their relationships, even though they shouldn't. but many people do let their relationships define a large chunk of who they are. i think we need time to mature and experience life before we are ready to share ourselves with someone else. my parents used to say, "graduate college, start your career, make some money and only then should you dating girls." at the time, i was outraged and thought they were being ridiculous. but now, as i've grown and experienced a lot of life - and one bad relationship that taught me more about relationships then any ten possible relationships - i've grown to realize, i'm still growing and changing and being redefined by new experiences.

yes, granted, dating can be part of those experiences, but it's a minimal part. when you meet your soulmate, don't you want to be able to say, "i've waited for you and stayed pure and untainted for you."

in the last six months, i've experienced a major, personal and spiritual shift back towards God. i know it can happen at any time, but i don't think it would have happened if i were a little older. i might be more set in my ways or committed to a lifestyle. so true inner change happened to me while i was young. and i am willing to bet that young people in relationships are being hindered (not completely blocked, but hindered) in their search for themselves and God by their relationships.

i see pretty girls every day, and yes, i am attracted to them. yes, i think about what my life would be like if they were with me. it's impossible not to think about that. it's part of human nature. but yesterday, i sat down and wrote out some rules and guidelines that i think will help me stay single and focused on what's truly important, God.

i look around at all my friends who are dating (or trying) and i feel a little contemptuous. :( i know i'm not mature enough to handle a real relationship and i wonder, "are my friends ready to be dating?" and unfortunately, more often than not, the answer is no.

i think a real valuable relationship comes along only once in a blue moon. and when i look at a girl, i want to hear a voice, deep down within my soul, telling me YES! YES! YES! GO FOR IT! sometimes i think i hear that voice, but i know it's just what i want and not what God wants for me.

i'm taking myself off the market, so to speak. i'm not going to date girls until i feel God tells me i am ready. i hope it's soon though. i'm so lonely.