i'm going to be honest....

...i'm not much of a blogger. the idea of revealing my thoughts and perceptions to the rest of the world to analyze and critique seems horrific to me. possibly why i kept all the entries private for so long. however, at this point, it seems that no one really knows very much about my thought processes and well, anything about me.

of late, there are three specific things that have been on my mind (in this order as well):

1) materialistic objects that i covet: to be more specific, cars.

if you don't already know, i recently gave my car to my brother, immediately afterwards, i began to regret it. honestly, i am not sure what came over me. it's not only that i was in love with that car, but the convenience of just having one was not really on my mind, i took that car for granted.

now that i don't have one, all i do in my spare time (and especially late at night, it's a guilty pleasure) is look online through craigslist, ebay, cars.com, autotrader, carmax for cars that i put into my bookmarks for future consideration.

the problem is that i just don't feel that i can settle for a mediocre vehicle. i want a nice car. like an idiot.

fortunately, i don't have the funds to purchase and maintain such a car right now. however, in may i am going to Japan to see my grandmother (on my father's side). and i am quite sure she is going to give me a ludicrous amount of money, more than enough to buy the cars i covet. see the thing is, i am technically the future head of our family (not to boast, but to explain). in asian culture, the first-born son of the male line inherits all the goodies. i happen to be the first-born son of the first-born son of the first-born son and so on and so forth. in addition, my father's side of the family (in Japan) is extremely wealthy. to give you an idea, my grandmother (on my father's side) recently gave my younger brother an island. yes, an island. you see, she is a real-estate queen worth millions.

when i come back, i expect to be able to purchase a nice vehicle.

but i am torn! as much as i want a nice new car, i feel humiliated to buy such a stupid and unnecessary thing. considering we are in a recession and many of my friends are experiencing economic crisis, i would feel pretty awful if i was financially unresponsible while my friends are worried about supporting their families or dropping out of school because they can't afford to stay. and i had a new car.

i also feel concerned because of how i would feel about those who i don't know who aren't as fortunate as me.

2) girls, that's pretty self explanatory but i'll elaborate anyway. it's the curse of a single guy at tech. so much of what i do is motivated by or for girls. unfortunately, the dearth of them only makes the ones that i do see more prominent and it's hard not to lower my standards or settle.

on second thought, i'd really prefer not to elaborate on this one.

3) money, ties in with the first point on cars.

done. peace.